After I graduated from college with a degree in Music Composition in May 2012, I moved to Los Angeles, CA at the end of the summer to try to make it in the music business. By January 2013, I had given up on that idea and was quickly running out of my life savings. By March, I had effectively $0 to my name. I found work as a background actor for a month to make enough money to come home to Missouri. I also lined up a random summer job in Alaska to pay off some small debts and rebuild some savings. I made it home in April and flew to Alaska in May. After working all summer in Skagway, I was debt-free and had $7000 saved up. Inspired by my ancestry and tales from a cool college professor I had, I decided to use some of the money to take a pilgrimage across Germany for a few months, ending on December 5th. At that point, I'd return to mid-Missouri and try to figure out what to do next with my life.
This is a journal of that 2.5-month trip across Germany.
I left early in the morning with friends/co-workers Bryan and Mary. They drove me to Whitehorse, a nearby city in Canada with an airport. We were running behind and I arrived just a few minutes before they stopped taking more passengers. I spent the rest of the day in a few planes and airports. Since I had an overnight layover in LA, I decided to meet up with some friends that I met earlier that year. My friend Steve took me from the airport to the Talking Stick where I played music with Gerry, Tad, Paulie, and two other percussionists I hadn't met before. Once I started to feel tired, Gerry sensed it was time to take me back to the airport. What a chaotic and fun little visit!
I had to stay awake from the previous night/morning's activities so I wouldn't miss my early morning flight: a 6-hour flight to Philly. After that, Frankfurt was my next and final destination for now. This day was spent on airplanes. I didn't get much sleep.
I arrived in Germany early in the day. Finally! I walked around with my acoustic guitar and backpack which were very heavy. I was going to walk to Frankfurt Hauptbahnhof from the airport, but I took the train because it was so cheap. On the train, I attempted to make some conversation in German but I soon discovered how unacclimated my ears were to native speakers. This is going to be harder than I thought!
I got off the train too early because I had no idea what the Hauptbahnhof looked like and was too embarrassed to ask anyone if we were there. But since I also just wanted to explore Frankfurt, I was okay meandering for many miles around the city until I wound up at the Hauptbahnhof. However, the weight of my backpack and guitar eventually started to make me exhausted. Luckily, I was able to find the Hauptbahnhof before I got too tired. There was a recommendation from a friend back in Skagway to use the hostel nearby. It was pretty full but thankfully there were a few rooms left. The folks at the hostel spoke English well. Despite being tired that night, I stayed up a little while and met some new friends from New Zealand, Mauritius, and Berlin. We talked a lot about traveling.
I slept in on day two. I needed the rest! There were a ton of beds in the room and they were filled with strangers, but it didn't bother me. It felt safe as all my stuff was locked up in cages under the bed. I awoke to the sound of four ladies who had evidently come to sleep in the room after I had gone to sleep. They were speaking quickly in German. I thought I was in heaven...
The hostel offered a nice small breakfast. I saw some familiar faces from the night before. We sat together and ate breakfast. I felt comfortable knowing that I'd be sleeping here again tonight. I explored more parts of the city during the day, but it was otherwise uneventful.
I had breakfast and more conversation with the hostel folks again that morning and hopped on the train to visit Worms, Germany.
This is the day I met my pen-pal Timo, one of my only contacts here in Germany. We had connected online over the last year on SoundCloud, a social-oriented site for sharing and distributing music. We were mutual followers of Anne-Kathrin Dern, a brief classmate of mine in Gerard Marino's Composing Music for Video Games, a night course offered by UCLA that I took when I lived in LA. Timo commented on one of my tracks one day and we started chatting off and on. I listened to his music as well; he made some of the most original music I heard and I was very curious about his process. When I told him I left LA and would be visiting Germany, he offered to let me crash at his place for a few days.
I arrived in Worms and Timo was waiting for me! It was really tough trying to speak German and I tripped up a lot. We eventually just switched to English. We walked around a bit, bought groceries, ate, chatted, etc. We went back to his place and worked on some music tracks.
This was a day mostly for working on music. Timo is working on a remake of an old game for some other Germans and I tried to help out.
Later we walked around Worms and I saw lots of Martin Luther history and was reminded of my college professor, John Frymire, who was a large part of the inspiration for this trip. He taught the History of the Reformation. In Worms, the history felt alive.
I also remember another reason why I wanted to take this trip; I wanted to learn as much German as I could. Unfortunately, I am not getting to practice much. I'm too afraid of annoying people with my terrible German. I resolved to try finding better speaking opportunities. If that doesn't work, I'll have to find a different goal to occupy my time for the next few months.
With this goal in question, I feel a bit lost. I am planning on going to Berlin next but am becoming less sure about what I'll even do there.
This freedom is liberating as much as it is distressing.
After sleeping on planes and in a variety of beds, I woke up today with a bad stiff neck.
Timo and I worked more on music although we faced computer troubles.
Around 6 PM, Timo's friend and former bandmate Rick came down to visit and we went out for Döner and a movie ("2 Guns"). Watching the movie and talking with Rick got me a little more comfortable with discerning German words spoken to me.
One of the ads before the film featured an American speaking German comically. Timo and Rick pointed at me and chuckled. They said I sound as funny as the American in the commercial. For the first time in my life, the roles are reversed; I'm the outsider with the weird accent. It feels so odd!
I went out early to go to the market. I could not find the close one Timo had told me about so I went to a McDonald's to ask. The nice cashier lady told me, "Es ist Sonntag." No markets were open. I went back and tried to turn a breakdown into a breakthrough and decided to use Sunday as a church day. Ich bin zur Wormser Dom gegangen. It was so magical to think of the history that had taken place there over the last thousand years. It felt so historic to be here with all the artifacts around, especially compared to what I'm used to from the States.
Der Rest des Tages machten Timo und ich Musik und PC reparieren.
I left Timo's a few days ago. I'm glad it all worked out. It was fun and I'm grateful for all his hospitality.
I took the bus to Berlin. Along the way, it became evident the bus driver accidentally took the wrong route because there was visible confusion for a short time and we arrived late. This was fine for me since my plans are so loose. It was only a benefit really; we went through all these cute little German villages. It reminded me of Missouri but with the openness of the Western US.
After getting off the bus, I found a hostel close to the heart of Berlin. I was greeted by floods of Americans gearing up to go bar crawling. I felt disgusted. After spending a whole summer in Alaska working at a tourist trap selling popcorn to people arriving from cruise ships, I came to despise cliché tourism. I missed working already and wanted to reintegrate that back into my travels.
Seeing the beautiful German countryside got me thinking about wwoofing and helpx. I had heard about these websites from people I met in Alaska over the summer. These sites help connect travelers with hosts who offer food and accommodation in exchange for help with various tasks.
The next few days were spent exploring Berlin but also researching how I could get on some farms and work. Using helpx, I was quickly able to find good reviews of hosts that needed help. I made a few arrangements. I'll be going back to central/southern Germany most likely but will hopefully stay a few days or weeks at some farms in between! This decision will also save me $1000 - $2000 as I won't be spending much more money on hostels and food.
The last few days in Berlin were fun. I got to meet Ben, a friend of my brother's wife, Fran. He was cool and shared a lot about what it's like to live in Germany. We walked around the city and talked for several hours until my feet hurt. After we were done, I had to walk an hour back to the hostel.
This hostel was different from the one I stayed in initially with all the tourists. The community here was way better and more personal. There was a kitchen where everyone cooked their food. It was easy to strike up great conversations with people from all over the world.
I spent the last few days exploring some things that Ben suggested with a subway all-day pass.
On Monday, I packed up my things and went to my first helpx experience, Kerstan in Hohenleipisch. She is very kind, generous, speaks English well, and has had lots of experience with other guests. I spent the first few days doing some landscaping and house cleaning while enjoying lots of her great food. She has a nice house and four cats. Her son, Christopher, came a few days later. Another helpxer from Italy (Luigi) also came.
A few days ago, I moved on to my next HelpX experience, a proper family farm. It was quite an experience meeting this new family!
The point of contact for the farm was Gerd Bayer. I had been in touch with him through email, and he suggested the best sequence of trains to get to the farm. He gave me his number to call when I got close.
When I was a station or two away, I tried calling him on my cell phone but wasn't getting reception. In a panic, I got off the train in Bad Mergentheim and located a phone-automat (pay phone). All it took were coins, and I had just one on me. I put it in, and it said I had 30 seconds to talk. Once Gerd answered, I tried to sum up everything. Even though most of our email communication was in German, I reverted straight to English for the call. Luckily, Gerd spoke perfect English. (I later learned he lived in New York for four years.) He said that he wouldn't be coming home for a few more days (he lived in Hamburg most of the time) and that his mother, Ilsa, was waiting for me at the next stop.
So I hopped back on the next train going to Rüsselhausen. A short time later, the train stopped, and I easily found Gerd's mother waiting for me. We exchanged a few greetings, and she motioned to the car. I got in, and we started to drive away. I started making small talk and asking questions, switching over to English as I had gotten used to doing. But as I spoke, she looked at me and shook her head -- she couldn't understand anything I was saying. I was shocked. For the first time in my life, I HAD to try to speak German. I ended up speaking more German in the 5 km car ride to the house than I had in the last three weeks! I was so bad at it. But it was also funny and completely surreal.
Once at the farm, I met Ilsa's husband, Helmut, and their other son who ran the farm, Martin. Their last name is Bayer. The parents were probably in their mid/late 50s, and Martin was in his early 30s. There was also Oma ("Grandma"). Besides Gerd, who won't be here for a few days, no one speaks any English except Martin, but his English isn't that great. Amongst themselves, they speak in some dialect, but to me, they speak Hochdeutsch (proper German). Even though it has only been a few days, my German has improved tremendously.
For the work, we milk cows in the morning and night with many breaks in between. I mostly help Martin. He drives the tractor expertly, and I help do whatever he needs help with on the ground. Often, he asks me to check if the electric fence is on at the many fields they manage. He teaches me a technique using a blade of grass as a buffer to reduce the shock. Pretty neat!
We work pretty much all day, but it is not tiring. Everyone is very patient with the language barrier. They have lots of experience with this. I am the 65th helper or so. After a day, a girl named Heidi from China came. We share the same room, and I help translate for her since she only speaks English. She is 26 and works in logistics at a clothing manufacturer in China.
It's been a few weeks since my last entry. The time has flown! It's been so wonderful at the Bayers' farm, and I have some hesitation about leaving tomorrow. But that is the plan.
After Heidi left, two Aussies came -- Rebecca and Garrison. They plan to be here for a month.
I also met Gerd and eventually their sister, Carmen. Gerd and Carmen live in other cities but come to help occasionally. They're all very good workers!
A bit more about the work. I milked the cows for the first day or two but quickly switched to jobs that required some muscle, mostly spreading feed and straw, dealing with pigs, and shaving off the bad parts of the "field silos." (This was hay or some sort of silage lying in the field with tarps covering it. However, birds poke holes in this tarp, allowing air and water in, which spoils parts underneath.)
The work was mostly familiar to me except for tasks dealing with the pigs. Pigs eat anything, I discovered, even themselves! It is fairly common (once every few weeks) for a pig to die in the stall. They get trampled on and beat up. If they are too weak to get back up, the other pigs will start messing with it, in some cases even eating it. Ilsa said if I were also dead and in the pen, my remains would be completely gone in two days. This is so strange considering their size. They look like little kids, especially their eyes. One got hurt while I was there, and we tried to save it. The others were constantly testing it, nudging it, stepping on it -- just waiting for it to be completely dead, maybe. Garrison and I took the pig out and gave it food and water. It was soon walking, albeit with a limp. It crawled into a corner with straw and rested. It wouldn't eat or drink anything. Hopefully, the little guy makes it.
Right before Gerd went back to Hamburg, two more Aussies came -— this time two young women, Emily and Yvette. They knew the Bayers well and spoke German fluently. They were some of the first helpers on the farm. Emily was studying Eurythmy (some avant-garde performance art) in Stuttgart, and Yvette was just traveling. Although they were only here for a few days, they were loads of fun. They were so natural at helping around the house and on the farm. On the last night they were here, we stayed up late talking. We traded talents -— I played/sang "One Sweet World" by Dave Matthews. Then Yvette read a poem while Emily did Eurythmy. It was exotic.
They all left, and the house was much emptier again. The weekend flew by, and now it is time for the next experience.
So much time has passed again! I left the Bayer's a few weeks ago. I'll wrap up my time with the Bayers before getting into what's currently going on.
The pig from earlier we found dead the next day. It must've been hopeless.
Also, as I left the Bayer's house, Oma said goodbye to me. She spoke slowly with watery eyes. I couldn't understand much as her German was very thick and my comprehension is still pretty low. I think she was just expressing her gratitude for helping on the farm and around the house. Using all my mental power to try to desperately understand every word in a powerful moment made it one of the most intense experiences I've ever had in my entire life. There's no way I'll forget it.
Finally, Ilsa, Rebecca, Garrison, and I spent my last day with them in Rotenburg before dropping me off at the train. It was a tough but beautiful moment watching them all smiling and waving as I rolled away. I smiled and waved back. As the view faded, I saw them all turn around and walk away together, headed back to their lives. I turned around and headed back to mine, alone.
It's already been a few weeks since I've stayed with my new host Helmut (yes, another Helmut) and Jenny. They're a younger couple with two toddlers: Felix and Anna. They also have an au pair, Pei I, from Taiwan.
Helmut and Jenny have a few different farming enterprises, mostly raising cows and keeping horses. Helmut focuses on the cows and everything cow-adjacent. Jenny focuses on the horses, the kids, and the home.
Jenny is kind and patient and we speak German 95% of the time. She insists on it. Helmut is a very efficient farmer who has lots of energy. Felix and Anna are now 2 years old and sleep for over half the day. As they are twins, it is difficult because everything must naturally be shared but they are both at the exact point when they want to share nothing!
I spent most of the first few weeks cleaning the horse barn daily and doing other odd work around the house: taking care of the chickens, loading up wood, cleaning the hot room, cleaning the cow stalls, etc.
I was originally going to stay only two weeks, but after I found out my next potential host had too many people and suddenly wasn't able to take me, I asked Jenny if I could stay another 2 weeks. They were nice enough to allow it. To adjust for this, they found a few projects for me, mainly splitting a lot of wood. But I still have 8 more days or so with them; I hope they can keep me busy!
Life is good here. In my free time, I sometimes help with meal prep, but mostly read the newspaper, children's books, listen to the radio, or simply play the guitar I've been lugging around Germany. One day Pei I and I rode bikes to Chiemsee and saw this castle on an island in the sea. It was fun!
A few nights ago we went to a nearby city late at night. There were tons of people from all over the countryside. It was a Christkindlmarket of sorts. I saw an old man selling the finest homemade wood products I've ever seen. We drank Glühwein. We roasted chestnuts on an open fire. It was something out of a literal Christmas book!
I'm always thinking about what to do when I get back home to Missouri. At this point, the moment is rapidly approaching. I've been away from Missouri for a year and a half. I'm excited to get back home, catch up with the family, and hit the ground running for whatever comes next.
I've got just a few weeks here left. After I finish at Helmut and Jenny's, this is my plan:
Another week has passed. I'm excited to go to Fran's friends in Freiburg tomorrow! So much will happen in these final few days. I have lots of anticipation.
The work on this last day at the farm was light. I got to finally feed the cows all by myself. Although I didn't do it often, it was my favorite task to help with. Most of my work was with the horses, wood, and chickens.
For the cows, I had to activate machines under their feet to push the manure into a big silo, lock their necks so they don't fight while eating, give them a big round of hay, clean up after them in their resting places by scraping off old manure and laying down new tiny pieces of straw. After an hour, I had to go back and give them some silage before finally letting them out after a while.
The work here was nice and I learned a ton of German, or at least, it feels like it. A few nights ago some friends of Helmut and Jenny's came over. I spoke to one dude in German for what seemed like an hour. I couldn't believe it. I'm sure I sounded like a kindergartener. Nevertheless, it felt like an accomplishment!
I left Helmut and Jenny's this morning and Jenny bought me some bread from the bakery by the train station.
It was so beautiful all around. The vastness of the German countryside was tinted with the early morning mist -- the sun was hidden but the glow scheint überall.
In the small waiting area at the Bad Endorf train station, I spotted two older people drinking beer. One of the men looked homeless, but a well-combed homeless person. They were talking about winter, their life, Jesus Christ, and the cost of phones. I could understand so much! But again, beer at 8 am... only in Bayern!
These past few days flew by traveling and living with Reinhards in Freiburg. I spoke German to everyone except the son, who wants to go to America someday and do music. He's a very talented producer of music!
The Reinhards were extremely hospitable to me. It is too bad it was so short! Monday, I spent the day walking DOZENS of kilometers just simply exploring Freiburg. It was good exercise and I got to see some cool parts of the city and countryside.
I got to spend the last day with Emily, one of the Aussie ladies I met on the Bayers farm. I helped her roommates make cookies for their Waldorf St. Nikolas festivities. We also went to their community choir practice and sung some Händel (Messiaeh). Ironically the text was English. Finally, we hung out at a bar with some of her friends. She let me crash at her place that night.
The next morning, we ate breakfast and went to her Eurythmy class. I have never seen anything quite like it before. It was cool to see this small community of people studying this art and put my experience studying composition into a new perspective. I witnessed poem/speech Eurythmy. There's also tone Eurythmy, but I missed it as I had to catch a train at noon to visit Timo one last time.
I arrived at Timos a few hours later. We grabbed döners and talked a lot about
music. He took me to the airport and dropped me off. One of the last things he
told me was a dirty joke in German and I instantly got it.
Someone says to a blonde, "Mainz ist ein schreckliches arshloch." The blonde responds, "Meins auch."
I've long wondered what it would feel like to read this date, 2013-12-05, on my computer: the day I'm going home. And it's finally here. So long Germany.
I stumbled across this journal recently and wanted to share it. It was originally a Google Doc filled with lots of chicken scratch, but I edited it heavily for readability, staying faithful to the stories/timeline as it was written. Most of the memories (and more unwritten) were still very strong in my head, and I'm thankful for that.
The Germany trip wrapped up this time in my life when I was constantly going outside my comfort zone. My nature is one that strongly gravitates towards calm, comfortable, predictable work and routine. But these 16 months, Aug 2012 to Dec 2013, were anything but that.
I experienced mixed emotions when coming back to mid-Missouri on Dec. 5th, 2013. On one hand I felt like a total failure, having given up on my once-ambitious plans in LA. On the other hand, I knew that leaving LA was the right move for me, and I knew the Alaska/Germany side quest I had just taken would be forever meaningful. And I was excited to settle into a new life around family, exploring my various farm/music interests.
The decade since has been filled with ups and downs. And while it certainly took me a while to find both happiness and success, I feel thankful to have these moments of reflection. I've realized that despite all the feelings of being excited and sad, inspired and directionless, motivated and lost, I have no regrets about it. I'm glad it all happened. I am grateful.